This is the Script I wrote back in January when The Do It All Dating Game was just a dream. On Tuesday it will be a reality and probably quite different (especially since the cast of characters will be entirely different).
The Do It All Dating Game - Script
Stage is illuminated, spotlights swivel around stage area. Theme song plays (this tune: http://paulettenichols.bandcamp.com/track/do-it-all-dating-game with lyrics written and sung by Paulette Nichols)
Projection Screen illuminates and John appears, introducing himself as the host of the show.
Welcome to the Do-It-All Dating Game, I’m your host John
Kilduff, otherwise known as Mr. Let’s Paint! I’m joining you via
cyberspace all the way from Sunny California. Tonight we have
some very special guests who will be putting their multi-tasking
skills to the test all in the name of love. But first I want to introduce
you to my lovely assistant Oriana.
Oriana enters stage wearing something snazzy like Vanna White, smiling and waiving.
Oriana is going to introduce you to this evening’s eligible
Thank you Mr. Let’s Paint. Tonight we have with us a very manly
group of bachelors, let’s meet them.
Bachelor Number 1 spotlight is illuminated and he waives and smiles. Applause from audience.
Bachelor number one is a graphic designer originally from London.
He describes himself as a quirky romantic, he enjoys warm waves, cool
breezes and existential philosophy…give a warm welcome to Robert Bowes.
Bachelor Number 2 spotlight is illuminated, he waives and smiles. Applause from audience.
Bachelor No. 2 lives here in Nottingham and one of his favourite
places is The Broadway. A martial arts instructor with a sensitive side,
he can’t live without a good cup of tea and his dog Sparky. Say hello
to Paul Chappel.
Bachelor Number 3 spotlight is illuminated, he waives and smiles. Applause from audience.
And last but certainly not least, Bachelor No 3 is a school teacher from
Liverpool - we ladies love those Scouse accents. He’s a junky for politics
and loves the opportunity to rally for causes and campaigns, Ken Murray.
Over to you John.
Now to prevent our bachelorette from hearing anything about our
bachelors, we’ve kept her in isolation backstage. Let’s find out
out more about her before we bring her on stage…She’s from Newcastle
and works as an advertising executive. She’s also a keen singer and is
a member of her community chorus. She says she’s tired of dating
wimps and needs someone who can step up and be a man. Welcome
Bachelorette comes to the stage, stands by Oriana who shakes her hand. Bachelorette then smiles/waives at audience. Applause from audience.
Hi Shelley how are you? What does a guy have to do to prove
he’s the man for you?
Well, Oriana I’m a very strong, independent woman and a lot
of guys are intimidated by that.
Oh, I know honey, you don’t have to tell me.
So I need a man that can handle me.
Well, you’ve come to the right place Shelley, we’ve got
three eligible and capable bachelors here for you and we’re going to
put them to the test.
That’s right. Our three bachelors are not only going to be
answering your questions Shelley, but they’ll also be
exercising, drawing and making sandwiches.
I hope you boys are ready for this creative cardio-challenge!
The three bachelors jump on their mini-trampolines.
So we’ll get back to bachelor number one to say hello to Shelley.
Bachelor No 1
Hey there Shelley. I’ve got a pastrami on rye coming up for you
And bachelor number 2…
Bachelor No. 2
Hi Shelley, this is bachelor number 2, if you need someone strong
who can go the distance, then I’m the man for you.
Wow, hi bachelor number 2.
Bachelor number 3 say hi to Shelley.
Bachelor No. 3
Good evening Shelley. I’m going to be drawing a picture of the
Breath-takingly beautiful spot I’ll be taking you to on our first
Oooh, sounds lovely, nice to meet you bachelor number 3.
Alright gentlemen, good luck to you. Shelley let’s play the dating game.
Ok bachelor no 1, I’m wood and you’re sandpaper, tell me the sound I
make when you rub me the wrong way.
Bachelor No. 1
I’d only rub you the wrong way if you wanted it baby. So I imagine
It would sound something like (in a falsetto voice) oooh oh, that’s
Hooting and applause.
Ok. (giggles and covers face in embarrassment) Bachelor no. 2, what’s
your secret to beautiful skin?
Bachelor No. 2
Well, I was born with good skin, but to keep it that way I need
you beside me, keeping me blushing.
Aw-ing and applause.
I’ve often been compared to Princess Diana because of my
poise and charitable nature, which member of the royal family
have you been compared to and why?
Bachelor No. 3
Thankfully, I’ve never been compared with any members of the royal family although I do have Prince William’s charm and just like Will
wooed Kate, I’m going to woo you.
All this talk of wooing, Oriana let’s see how they’re doing.
Oriana approaches the bachelors.
Well, John it looks like all three bachelors are breaking into a sweat
here. Bachelor No. one how’s that sandwich coming along?
Oriana makes some small talk with each one with John adding in the odd comment.
I think it’s time for the next round of questions Shelley.
Oriana goes back to Bachelorette side.
Bachelor No. 2, you are a Carnival Leader standing outside Bachelor No. 1’s tent, let’s hear about the bizarre things I’ll experience if I step inside.
Bachelor No. 2
Ladies and gentlemen step right up! In the corner you will see the Thinnest Man on earth as he wrestles with his B.L.T., sweating profusely and trying to draw what looks like a bun, behold bachelor number one.
Laughs and applause.
Thank you. Bachelor No. 1 same question about Bachelor No. 2.
Bachelor No. 1
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up and behold this man
is stuck in 1985, he looks like Ferris Beuller, he’s obsessed with John Hughes movies and he thinks Margaret Thatcher is still the Prime Minister.
Laughs and applause.
Bachelor No. 3, now I know you’re not a Scotsman, but if you were you’d wear a kilt. Tell me some of the joys of skirt-wearing for men.
Bachelor No. 3
Well Lassie, if I were a Scotsman I’d be enjoying the breeze right now from bouncing up and down on this trampoline and the audience would
be amazed when they catch a glimmer of my manhood.
Hooting and applause. The show would continue as such. (We have to decide how much time to give to questions). A sound cue will signal the end of the question round.
That sound means we’re out of time on the question round. Thanks for those very thought-provoking and revealing questions Shelley.
You’ve got a tough choice to make Shelley.
I sure do.
These guys are really standing up to the challenge though.
Yes, indeed Oriana. But maybe we can help Shelley make her decision a little more easily. Now it’s time for our bachelors to supply their sandwiches for a taste-test. Let’s see whether or not the way into Shelley’s heart is through her stomach.
Mmm. Good idea John. Now you bachelors can keep busy making some finishing touches on your drawings.
Keep going bachelors, show Shelley what you’ve got!
Oriana retrieves sandwiches from the Bachelors, placing them on plates on a tray with toothpick flags stating Bachelor numbers to avoid confusion. Bachelorette tastes each one and makes comments. John also makes comments in response to the appearance of the sandwiches and the look on the bachelorette’s face as she tastes them.
For our final round, gentlemen it’s time to reveal your creative side. Let’s give Shelley a peek at those drawings.
Oriana goes and retrieves each drawing from bachelors, placing blank covering sheet with bachelor numbers over each one. An easel is set up near the Bachelorette for Oriana to display them on.
Which masterpiece will capture Shelley’s attention? Will it be bachelor No. 1’s!?
Oriana removes the covering sheet from top drawing and holds arms out framing the drawing (as if on ‘The Price is Right’). The audience ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ fixated on the bachelorette’s reactions. John comments on drawings and her reactions.
Will it be Bachelor No. 2’s?
Oriana reveals No. 2’s drawing.
Or will Bachelor No. 3’s drawing open Shelley’s eyes to love?
Oriana reveals No. 3’s drawing.
Which is your favourite Shelley?
Well, it’s a tough choice, but I like bachelor No.1’s drawing the best.
Nice choice, but will your two hearts beat as one?
Let’s take a pulse check gentlemen while Shelley can take some time
to mull over her decision…
Gentleman step of off your trampolines and find your pulse.
Ticking clock sound begins and runs for 30 seconds. Meanwhile John explains the details of how high verses low pulse rate indicates health.
Bachelor No. 1, tell me your count.
They run through the numbers one at a time.
Now that you know all the facts Shelley, you’ve got to make your selection. Will it be Bachelor No 1?
Or Bachelor No. 2?
Or will it be Bachelor No 3?
They all sound wonderful but I’m gonna go with Bachelor No. 1
Why bachelor no. 1, what did he do or say to get you interested?
Well, I liked his painting and his answer to the questions, he
sounded very spontaneous and I like that.
Ok, well before you meet him, let’s introduce you to the two
gentlemen you didn’t choose. Bachelor No. 2 lives locally and
is a martial arts instructor with a sensitive side. His name is Paul
Chappel. Come on out Paul!
Bachelor No. 2 comes and greets Bachelorette with a kiss on the cheek.
Thanks for coming on the show Paul.
Oriana indicates for him to steps to the side.
And you didn’t choose Bachelor No. 3, he’s a school teacher from
Liverpool and a junky for politics. He’s Ken Murray. Come on out
Bachelor No. 3 comes and gives Bachelorette a hug.
Hi Ken, thanks for your efforts, better luck next time!
Oriana takes his arm and leads him to a spot next to Bachelor No. 2.
He seems rather dejected, doesn’t he?
Well, he shouldn’t be… because he and Bachelor No. 2 aren’t
going home completely empty-handed. They’ll each receive
our consolation prizes, these 100% cotton T-shirts with Mr. Let’s
Paint’s motto “Embrace Failure”.
Words of wisdom boys, take them to heart. Now Shelley, you did choose Bachelor No. 1, before he comes out let me tell you about him. Bachelor
number one is a graphic designer originally from London. He describes himself as a quirky romantic, he enjoys warm waves, cool breezes and existential philosophy. His name is Robert Bowes. Come out Robert!
Bachelor No. 1 comes out and kisses bachelorette on the cheek.
We’re going to send you guys on a great date.
Oriana or John gives details of date.
Congratulations to Shelley and Robert! I hope you have a swell time on
that fantastic evening for two. Relax and enjoy the delights of Nottingham.
Thanks to all our guests and to my lovely assistant Oriana. And remember
John will adlib parting words leading to the interval between rounds.
Let’s give a final round of applause to the happy couple.
20 min Interval. This will allow John and Oriana to prepare introduction paragraphs for new contestants.